She shops, she scores!!!

Here's my latest shopping conquest:

$3.99 V-8 Peach Mango Juice
$2.99 Colgate Toothpaste

$6.98 Total (Regular price)

-$2.60 preferred card savings
-$2.00 manufacturer's coupons
-$2.00 store coupons (special offer doubling coupons savings)

38 CENTS TOTAL, BABY!

From $6.98 down to 38 cents (imagine me doing victory dance right now). Oh, it's so sweet.

Are you boring?

I've just realized that I'm even more boring than I thought -- so I win!

We often play a game we call "Who's the Most Boring." It's a get-to-know-you game where everyone gets 10 pennies and you have to say something that you've NEVER done, but you figure everyone else HAS done. If the other people haven't done it either, they hold on to their pennies. If they have done it, they toss one of their pennies into a center pile. Whoever is the last one with pennies is proclaimed the most boring -- and thus, the winner.

Here are some of my "never" dones:

• I've never sent a text message
• I've never broken a bone
• I've never gotten a parking ticket

And the ones that always win:

• I've never been to IKEA
• I've never been to Walmart

What about you? Are you boring, too?

Here's Your Sign...

My last few posts got me thinking, what would I put on my sign? If I needed help (financial, spiritual, emotional, etc.), what would I write in Sharpie on an old piece of cardboard?

Maybe "Clean House for Food" (meaning I'll give you food if you clean my house).

Buddy, can you spare a dime?

Geo's comment to my last post got me thinking.

I used to be very good about handing out spare change to people on the street (I was figuring that it was theft protection -- if they got enough money that way, the less chance they would mug someone or break into someone's house), but it seemed like as soon as I made eye contact and handed over a few quarters, they would somehow think this meant that I was their girlfriend. This was particularly problematic if it was someone I passed by quite often.

One especially enterprising young lady (we'll call her "Mary Meth") used to panhandle at the entrance of my bank. That way no one could say that they didn't have any money. It got to be so bad that I actually switched banks.

In my prior post I wrote about how I didn't help out with my friend's scrapbook project (just donated money for supplies instead), that I left it up to the "experts." If I can't even put stickers and photos on a piece of paper, what makes me think I can help homeless/jobless/mentally unstable people on the street? Instead, I donate money to foundations and community programs and leave it to the experts.

So sorry, buddy, I really can't spare a dime.

Charity Never Faileth

It seems like everyone these days is holding on to every penny they've got and charitable organizations are really hurting. Of course, there's more need out there for these charities, so they're being hit especially hard.

So I'm trying something new. I've added a "charity" category to my budget.

Now when I go to the store and the check-out lady asks me, "Would you like to donate $1 to help fund cancer/autism/diabetes/whatever research?" I gladly reply, "Why yes, I would!" That usually takes the woman by surprise (since I assume most people say no -- I know I always did). Come on, really, I'm buying three boxes of Twinkies as part of my groceries and I can't spare a buck to save someone's life? Just put back one of the boxes of Twinkies!

The other day I got an e-mail from a friend linking me to a Web page of another friend who is biking for cancer research and asking for donations. Oh, did I mention that this biker is fighting her SECOND bout with cancer? How awesome was it to be able to help out in such a small way.

I guess it all started with my friend who recently lost her baby. Even though this was incredibly hard for her and her family, she decided to put her energies into making scrapbooks for other families in similar circumstances; something to preserve those memories of such precious little lives, no matter how short. Of course, no one wants me to do any scrapbooking, but I could donate some money so the more talented people could buy supplies.

Now I'm not funding wings of hospitals or anything like that, but every little bit counts, right? If I keep my heart open, who knows where this can lead me.

Do you "Wonder"?

"Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

I know it got bad reviews, but I love this movie. We just checked it out from the library and I think I've seen it three times. It just cracks me up and inspires me. My 11-year-old Frances balled her eyes out and cried even more when she found out that the movie isn't based on a real toy store. It's rated G and stars Dustin Hoffman (who is hilarious), Natalie Portman (who actually acts, as opposed to what she does in those horrible "Star Wars" movies), Jason Bateman (loved him in "Arrested Development") and a zebra* named Mortimor.

*According to the "behind the scenes" extras on the DVD, you can't just bring in one zebra to be in a film. You have to have another zebra AND a pony. I think I'm going to bring that up with my boss, "Sorry, if I'm going to work here, I'm going to have to have another woman named Lois AND a pony at my cubicle."

Just Plain Giving Up

So in my last post I talked about giving up my laziness and cleaning my house for Lent. Well, let's just say that it's not going so well.

The other night, Nigel told me that he couldn't find our youngest child, Alice-Grace. We looked all over the house, couldn't find her.

Much to our relief (and my embarassment), we finally found her fast asleep in the middle of the living room floor -- there was so much stuff in there, we couldn't see her!

(Please note: In my defense, I just want to say that I have been busy working on our food storage, so most of our living room is filled with cans of food -- next project: how to make furniture out of #10 cans)

Giving Up Lint for Lent

So this year for Lent I decided to give up my lazy ways and finally clean my house. I think I'm going to need a rake and a leaf blower just to find my carpet (not to mention our stupid bunny). So far, I'm not doing too well.

I sat my kids down and had them tell me what they were giving up for Lent. Here's their answers:

Frances -- giving up bubble gum (and she's doing a good job so far).
Jeffrey -- giving up watching TV (he's actually doing it!).
Alice-Grace -- giving up staying up late (she's about as good at that as I am at cleaning my house).

Nigel has decided to give up combing his hair for Lent (this is a long story, don't ask).

Of course, living in a very NON-Catholic area, I'm sure my kids' friends are wondering what the heck Lent is and why they're giving stuff up. I'm all for any religious holiday that makes my life easier. Now, if I can just get them to observe Ramadan this year (no feeding my very picky children during daylight hours? Bring it on!).

Why I Married Nigel

So we're driving down the street and I point out to Nigel a sign in front of the local wild game meat processing plant that reads:

Smoked Dog Bones
$1.25 each

Without missing a beat, Nigel replies, "Wow. I wonder where they get the dogs."

Science Fair Follies

This past week was our elementary school's science fair. Being the good PTA member (and evil wife) that I am, I volunteered Nigel to be a judge all three days. Just to be fair, I was a judge for one day, too.

As you would expect, there were tons and tons of magnet displays, analysis of various microwave popcorn brands, and way too many "how to grow crystals" projects. Come on, people, did you all read the same "101 Science Fair Projects" book? What about the other 98?

My favorite one was this cute little girl who did hers on how cats and dogs would react when seeing themselves in a mirror. She had a large animal cage that was covered in mirrors that she would stick the animal in and then record what it would do. Very original, clever, but the best part was this "behind the scenes" story that she told me:

"Yeah, the cage is really neat, but it's hard to open. See, this latch sticks. I know that because I crawled in it and then couldn't get it open. We had to call the police."

I was a little confused. The latch wasn't THAT complicated. I asked, "Why did you have to call the police? Couldn't your mom open it?"

She replied, "Oh, I was locked in it in our car and my mom had locked her keys in the car, too. The police had to come to get the car open and get me out."*

Wow! I can just imagine what the police were thinking. What kind of a ticket do you get for that?

*Disclaimer: I found out from talking with the mother that this is not exactly how it happened. Yes, she did lock herself in the cage while her mother was running a quick errand in the store and yes, her mother did lock herself out of the car, but she just threatened to call the police. The little girl managed to get out of the cage and unlock the car for her mother. Personally, I like the little girl's story better.