Lois Common Denominator

Miracles

2011-12-25T16:43:00.002-07:00

On this Christmas day, I'm pondering on the miracles that have happened in my life:

The neighbor who saw my dead car on the side of the road and me walking and instinctively knew that the kids I carpool home would need a ride home -- even though her kids don't even go to the same school. Thank you.

I couldn't find my cell phone charger. Then my cats knocked down a huge painting in my bedroom and as I went to pick it up, there in a Darth Vader helmet under the fallen painting was my charger. Thank you.

My other neighbor who saw my dead car at the mechanic's and called to see if the other carpool kids would need a ride home. Thank you.

The car that decided to die a few hours AFTER I drove my nephew to the airport so that he wouldn't miss his flight. Thank you.

My work's janitorial crew who forgot to clean out the fridge so I could reclaim my cartons of milk and orange juice that I had left behind the day before. Thank you.

And these are just the ones that happened this week. I think my new year's goal for 2012 is to pay more attention to the many miracles in my life.

Closed Captioning Follies

2011-11-26T07:32:00.004-07:00

As one who enjoys closed captioning mistakes, here's one of my favorites:

Instead of,

"Will my kids live better than I do?"

It read,

"Will my kids lisp better than I do?"

In my case, I would say yes, yes they will.

TV Follies

2011-09-22T12:07:00.005-06:00

I don't know if the TV producers are getting dumber or if they assume that the TV watchers are getting dumber. Two recent examples:

I was watching "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" (yes, I'm admitting it -- I watch it) and they were describing their trip from Los Angeles to some exotic island local. Anyway, here's the map they showed of their starting point:

Wow, I had no idea that Los Angeles is in the middle of MEXICO! I can see putting it a little bit too high or too low or too far east on a map, but didn't that huge peninsula called Baja California give you a clue that you were a little too far south?

The other day, I was watching an infomercial for Victoria Principal's skincare line and they were advertising it for $89.99 for a 90-day supply. But if you called right now, you could get their special offer of a 30-day supply for only $29.99!

Now I'm no math genius, but even I could see right through that one.

Stupid Car!

2011-08-30T08:02:00.001-06:00

The good news -- my right blinker miraculously healed itself and is working again.

The bad news -- now my driver side window is stuck permanently down (just in time for winter!).

I'm not friendly, I'm just lazy

2011-08-14T17:52:00.003-06:00

The right turn signal on my car isn't working.

(If my father is reading this, I mean my "right turning indicator." As he likes to say, "ANYTHING can be a signal, so be more specific!")

I know that on this model of car this happens a lot, so I'm too lazy to get it fixed. Instead, I'm going "old school" and using hand signals. Luckily, Nigel had a driver's handbook in the house because I couldn't remember which way to hold my arm (obviously, I don't ride bikes much).

So now I'm driving down the street sticking my arm out the window (luckily it's summer) before I make a turn and everyone thinks I'm waving at them. They either wave back or give me a weird look like, "I don't know you, how dare you wave at me!"

It's gotten so bad that the other day the man in the car ahead of me was signalling for me to go around him. I just sat there. Nigel finally had to poke me and tell me to go around. I thought he was signalling for a right turn, too!

Jeffrey's Version of Events

2011-06-25T18:33:00.002-06:00

So, so I think that the lady was probably -- wait, driving to the hospital and she was drinking out of like a soda--drinking a soda or something and I'm guessing that just maybe she dropped it and was reaching down to get it and then while she was reaching down, she probably accidentally turned the wheel and then she probably saw herself going to the side, so she like put on the gas and went--oh wait, sorry, I missed a part. Wait.

Lois interjects -- why don't you just tell it from your point of view, what you experienced. So where we you?

I was just napping, then I--wait, then my hermit crabs woke me up. And then I heard a bang and then I went into my parents' room and I thought my dad's breathing machine thing blew up. Then I saw a hole in the wall. I told my sister and we went outside.

And we saw a car. Just then the wall.

Then our upstairs neighbors took us into the house for safety. And I don't know what happened after that.

Lois -- didn't the neighbor have you go in the house with him?

Yes. I didn't quite get to see what--see the room.

The end.

Lois -- what about the missing cat?

So we thought that Roger ran away because she was scared, but at the end of the day we--my mom found her in her closet. Wait, wait, wait. And yes, I said Roger is a her.

Nigel's Version of Events

2011-06-22T10:36:00.002-06:00

So I work for the condo association, so I was across the street. I had just checked the pool for chemicals and pH and I was in the office doing stuff when the phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and didn't recognize the number, but figured maybe I should answer it anyway, even though I wasn't "on duty" at the moment. It was Frances on the phone. She was hysterical and crying. I knew it was a big deal because the last time I heard her cry like this was when our pet rabbit died. All I could understand her say was there was a car accident and something got hit, but I really had no idea what was going on. I thought I heard her say the word London, and she has a good friend named London, so I thought maybe she was calling me to tell me that London was in an accident.

So I ran across the street and that's when I saw there was firetrucks, so I knew it happened right here and it was bigger than I thought. Then I saw the fence had been destroyed in the area and as I got closer, I saw the car that had hit our building. One of the neighbors, George, ran up to me and said "I was inside your house looking for you. The kids thought you were still in there."

Um, I'm trying to think what happened next.

And I said, "My kids, where are my kids? Are they OK?" And someone said they're upstairs. So I went to the upstairs condo--oh, wait, I really can't remember who told me, it's kind of a blur, but yeah, someone said they were in the upstairs condo. They girls were sitting on the couch of our neighbors and Frances and Alice-Grace were crying hysterically and Jeffrey was just kind of staring, he looked kind of shell-shocked.

I found out later, that because he was the only one that wasn't crying hysterically, he had gone inside with George to look for my body.

So we spent a lot of time hugging and talking to each other and the girls told me they were in the living room when it happened.

(Interjection by Frances -- "I wasn't in the living room. I was in my bed.")

Oh, you weren't?

Jeffrey told me he was in his room when it happened, which freaked me out because I still hadn't looked closely at the accident and I thought the car had actually crashed through Jeffrey's wall. By this time, someone told me the police wanted to talk to me. I didn't want to leave the kids, but I had to. So I went downstairs and this was the first time I got a really good look at the accident.

The car had crashed through our bedroom wall. The damage actually didn't look that bad. Some of the bricks were missing and the hole seemed fairly small. Let's see. Um.

(Interjection by Frances -- "I'm not the only one who gets lost")

The police officers kept asking "Now who's the owner and who's the property manager?" I said, "I'm both." They looked at me kind of puzzled and said, "Now who are you?" I said, "I own the condo." And they said, "Who's the property manager?" I said, "I'm the night and weekend manager." So in all the excitement, it was kind of a blur, but between various police officers and various EMTs, I got asked this same question about a half dozen times.

Once they figured out who I was, they asked what the damage was like inside and I said, "Actually, I don't know. I haven't been inside yet. Is it safe?" And they said it should be.

I forgot to mention, this whole time our Neighborhood Watch chair had been on the scene.

Anyway, we were inside and the wall inside looked a lot worse than the wall outside. The hole was probably about--the damage is at least six foot square. You could see the drywall was broken and you could see the studs were poking through. The car really wasn't protruding into the room, but you could see outside through the insulation.

There was a pile of bricks on Lois' side of the bed and there was lots of rubble in the room, lots of dust. They told me the building inspector was on his way to look at the room. I asked if I could get back to the kids, told them I'd be upstairs. While I was upstairs, I called the general property manager. I can't remember if I called Lois now or earlier. The general property manager told me to call me and Lois' homeowner policy insurance agent. And told me to call the insurer that the HOA uses for the exterior of the building.

When I talked to Lois, she was at work and I said that a car had hit the building, everyone was fine. There was a big hole in the wall and that she should probably come home. And at the time I thought it was strange that she had a tone in her voice like "Why is this important enough for me to come home?" I found out later, based on my description, she thought the building has been crashed into on the other end, which would be someone else's condo.

I also called our Bishop (ecclesiastical leader) to let him know what happened.

Lois interjects -- "This is going on forever. I don't know if my blog has this much memory."

And then in general, our Neighborhood Watch chair called a guy from the neighborhood who is a contractor and also owns a unit in the building to come out and patch the hole, especially since they were expecting rain the next day.

There was a tense few minutes where they suspected the support joists for the building had been damaged and they might have to--the building inspector might have to declare the building uninhabitable, especially on that end. Luckily, the contractor from the neighborhood pointed out to the inspector that the support joists ran in the opposite direction than he thought they did, and were therefore unaffected by the collision.

I guess that's it for what happened right then.

Frances' Version of Events

2011-06-22T10:21:00.002-06:00

OK. So I was sleeping and I hear this loud crash and I assume that the girl upstairs had knocked over her toy bin. And then a little while later, Alice-Grace comes running in my room and yells that Daddy's wall had fallen down and that we need to get out. So we ran outside to the circle thinking it was an earthquake. And then I saw the car and I freaked out. And this guy came running over and he was like "Are you all OK?" And I said my dad was in there. And so he ran off with Jeffrey to look and my dad wasn't there. So I was like he's probably at work then. And then I saw our upstairs neighbor and he was on the phone with 911, I guess. And he had us come inside where we called my dad. And halfway through the phone call, I started crying, so he couldn't understand me. And then he came over--my dad came over--and he was all worried about Jeffrey because Daddy thought it had hit Jeffrey's room.

Give me a minute. Sorry, I got lost. Give me a minute.

OK. And so our neighbor upstairs was giving us breakfast and whatever and Daddy called Mom. And we just kind of hung out at the neighbor's house and then after a while, I went outside and went inside to get my camera. Everyone was--all these people were outside talking and taking pictures. And I took a lot of pictures.

And then this like construction dude came and he was like pulling the bricks out of the wall. And they like cleaned up inside and they vacuumed my mom's box of tissues, which I thought was funny.

We couldn't find Roger. And we like looked around inside and outside. And so we asked Aunty Rena what to do and she said to just leave Roger alone and leave tuna out for Roger. And then later on we found her in the closet.

And they had temporarily fixed the wall with a piece of wood and some plastic because it was going to rain. And we were on the news for like one minute.

And then on the night it happened, me and Jeffrey slept over at our friends' house and my parents and Alice-Grace slept somewhere else. And since then, we've been sleeping at our other friend's house, since they have an empty apartment.

Hole in the Wall Update

2011-06-22T10:11:00.001-06:00

Guess who doesn't have insurance?

Yes, the lady who hit our home.

Her policy lapsed June 9th. She hit us June 18th.

Now instead of getting my wall fixed right away, I have to wait for the various insurance agencies to fight it out.

Oh, joy.

Alice Grace's Version of Events

2011-06-22T10:02:00.002-06:00

So we were all--all the kids were asleep and we heard a big crash and all of us thought that it was something else but it really wasn't. I thought it was mom dumping the ice cooler, Frances thought that the girl upstairs like dumped her toy box, I'm not sure what Jeffrey thought. So I woke up and I--me and Roger both went into the bedroom and I saw what happened. So I yelled at Frances, wake up, wake up, get out of the house, Dad's wall fell. So we all got out and we went to our meeting place and we saw that there was a car that had hit it.

It thought my dad was still in there. So our neighbor helped us and she brought us in and we had orange slices and toast and yogurt.

And then we called Dad and told him everything, so he came over to our neighbor's house and he saw the car and then we called Mom and she thought that it was--the car only hit the bricks. And then she went inside and saw that it was lots worse.

For a lot of the time, we were looking for Roger like outside, under the beds, in bags, but she was really in my Mom's closet the whole time.

And then the people that were fixing it, they put wood in the hole and what the nice thing is if the lady would hit a wall, that would be the perfect one because she went right in between two support beams and there was no plumbing in that spot.

And then we vacuumed.

Lois' Version of Events

2011-06-22T09:44:00.002-06:00

I was at work and at about 10:30 AM I get a call from Nigel. He starts off with...

"First of all, everyone is OK."

This does not bode well. He then tells me that a car has hit our condo and that the kids are VERY upset.

I leave work and head home. That's when I see the car in the wall. I went upstairs to get my insurance agent (very convenient to have her so close by) and to see how my kids were doing. My other upstairs neighbors had taken my kids in and fed them breakfast. They were still very upset.

I never did see the lady who was driving the car, but the ambulance was still there, so I figured she couldn't have been too hurt. The police and fire departments were traipsing though my house all morning (which was a complete mess -- especially since the night before Alice-Grace had gotten a phone book out of the recycling bin and ripped out every page and tossed it all over the living room).

My insurance agent and neighborhood watch chair was busy making lots of phone calls. Within minutes, they had the building inspector out there and two men started clearing the loose brick and building a new wall.

Then we realized that we didn't know where the cat was. We spent the rest of the day trying to find her (my kids were very upset about the missing cat). We didn't find her until about 9:00 PM -- turns out she was hiding in our bedroom closet the whole time.

In the meantime, my bedroom is all torn apart to make room for the workers and insulation is everywhere (not good for Nigel's scarred lungs).

It's been amazing all the small miracles that have taken place. The woman was not hurt (as far as we know), none of us were hurt, nothing in the bedroom was damaged (except for the wall), the car managed to hit in between two support beams, there was no plumbing in that wall, no window there to shatter glass everywhere, etc.

Most of all, we're so thankful for everyone who came to our aid. Our neighbor who was first on the scene and called 911, our other neighbors who took care of and fed our kids (and are letting us borrow their air mattress), our insurance agent, our neighborhood watch chair, the men who patched our hole because they knew it was going to rain that night, a dear friend who brought us homemade donuts to show that not all "holes" are bad, our friends who are letting us stay in their apartment while we wait for the wall to be fixed, etc.

Thank you, everyone!

And the highway patrol said MY car was unsafe...

2011-06-19T09:35:00.004-06:00

This is what happens when you drive yourself to the hospital when you're not feeling well. No, I wasn't the driver. That's my bedroom wall that car crashed into. Here are the views of the car, the inside of my bedroom, and some fabulous neighbors (who happen to be general contractors) trying to clear the debris so they can fix the wall.

Someone said to me, "Lois, can you believe that of all the houses, they hit yours?" I replied, "Have you met me? OF COURSE they hit mine!!!"

My Favorite Sports

2011-06-10T20:36:00.002-06:00

I'm not much of a sports fan.

When I go to professional sporting events, I spend all my time looking for the food vendors. "Oh, they just made a touch down? That's nice. Now where did that cotton candy guy go?"

I like to exercise, but I don't play any sports (except for the occasional indoor game of "find the smell"), but there are a few that I follow.

Baseball? Football? Basketball?

Oh, please. No way.

I used to be a big fan of boxing. Yes, pugilism, the sweet science. That was back in the day before Mike Tyson got all bitey and crazy.

I love horse racing. I must admit that I only watch The Kentucky Derby, The Preakness and The Belmont Stakes. Yes, I'm an eternal optimist -- every year I hope for a Triple Crown winner. Every year I'm disappointed. Of course, I think the main reason why I love horse racing is because the event only lasts for two minutes. Just perfect for my attention span.

But my ultimate favorite sport? The Scripps National Spelling Bee. What do you mean spelling is not a sport? They show it on ESPN! I try to spell along with the contestants (I'm always wrong) and make wagers on who's going to win (I always go for the home school kids). I love the kids who whisper to themselves, spell on their hands, or scream out the answers. They're rock stars!

You can keep your posters of Jimmer, I prefer Sukanya Roy.

Here Mom, these posts are for you!

2011-06-10T10:14:00.001-06:00

My mother called me last night wondering if I was still alive since I haven't posted anything to the blog in such a long time.

Here Mom, I've added three more entries.

Enjoy!

P.S. I love my mom!!!

Maybe the Highway Patrol was right about my car

2011-06-10T10:06:00.005-06:00

As I was pulling into a shopping center parking lot, I heard what sounded like a guy dropping a box of marbles. I looked around, but didn't see anything. Then I noticed that everyone was staring at me. Then I noticed that my back side window was missing!

It had just fallen off of my car and crashed into a million pieces in the parking lot. I quickly parked the car and went into the store to borrow a broom and dustpan. I cleaned up as much glass as I could and texted my sister about how I was going to have to drive around looking all white trash with a sheet of plastic duct-taped to my car where my window should've been.

I then went home and had Nigel play "Find what's missing on the car." He was just glad it wasn't a wheel or the transmission. He then stated, "Maybe that's what the Highway Patrol letter was about."

We were just going to go with the white trash look, but then my super kind neighbor went to the wrecking yard and picked me up a replacement window. Then he and another awesome neighbor installed it on my car.

Thank you!!!

Uh-oh, the Highway Patrol is after me!

2011-06-10T09:56:00.003-06:00

I got a letter in the mail from the Highway Patrol saying that it was reported to them that my car is "unsafe for use on the highway."

What? It just passed safety & emissions the previous month. Are there flames shooting out the back of my car? What's going on?

The letter was especially puzzling because it had my name (the car is registered under Nigel's name) and my sister's license plate number. I tried calling the Highway Patrol at the number they gave me, but I just got an answering machine (that didn't even identify themselves as the Highway Patrol). I then started thinking this was some elaborate phishing scheme.

Then a Highway Patrol officer came out to my house to inspect the car. It turns out that the mechanic who inspected my car is who turned me in. He said that the auto shop was cutting corners to get cars to pass and he was fed up with it and quit. The officer needed to verify if his claims were true, or if he was just a disgruntled employee.

Sure enough, the mechanic had fixed my loose headlight by stuffing a bunch of oily rags behind it. The officer took photos of it and said that he would get back to me to let me know if I needed to get it fixed and go through the safety & emissions process all over again.

So far, he hasn't contacted me. I hope the rags don't burst into flames, because then I'd really be unsafe!

Not So Healthy

2011-06-10T09:49:00.005-06:00

One thing that I've learned from all of these diet books is that they're geared towards men who are six feet tall, weigh over 300 pounds and spend all day sitting on the couch drinking gallons of soda pop and eating 16 large sausage pizzas a day.

I follow their meal and exercise plans perfectly and I GAIN weight!

Now I'm back to the "Lois Diet."

That's right. Eat three healthy meals a day, no snacks, and walk around the neighborhood. The only new thing is that now I'm trying to incorporate some weight lifting into my routine. Though my BMI scores are in the normal range, my fat percentage is way too high (I am composed of fat and bones, no muscle).

My ultimate goal is to be a very fit and vibrant 100-year-old (that way I can make my children's lives miserable for as long as possible).

Tra la, It's May, the "Healthy" Month of May!

2011-05-03T07:47:00.004-06:00

I'm continuing my constant quest to be more healthy. About 20 years ago I lost 45 pounds and for the last 19 years (even through three pregnancies) I've been able to keep it off. But then in the last year, my weight has been creeping up again.

I'm a big believer in baby steps, so I don't like to do anything too drastic. We were doing that vegetarian diet, but it was just too much work. I mean, four hours to make dinner was just too much for me (three hours preparing and cooking the meal, 30 minutes begging my kids to eat it, and then 30 minutes running to McDonald's to buy Happy Meals).

A Web site I really like is Word of Wisdom Living. Each week the author gives you a tip to be more healthy. It's simple things like buying bread that has more grams of fiber than grams of sugar, getting 30 minutes of sunlight a day, not drinking more than 12 ounces of sugary drinks a week, etc.

I've also just read this book:

I'm starting the recipes and exercise plan this week. I'll let you know how it goes.

Mystery Solved?

2011-04-18T07:30:00.000-06:00

We think we know what's up with Roger.

We were watching "Cats 101" on Animal Planet (yes, I have no life) and they were talking about a rare breed of cat called a Turkish Van. It caught our attention because Roger has unusual markings that kind of match to these cats. Plus, her personality fits (that of a "dog dressed in a cat's body" -- that explains her propensity towards playing fetch).

At the end of the segment, they mentioned that these cats are not good around little kids because they're hunters and they will "stalk" small children. Sorry, Alice-Grace, welcome to the bottom of the food chain.

The good news is that she can't be a purebred Turkish Van. The bad news is that we think she's also part Satan.

Those Aren't Bath Beads!

2011-04-17T20:41:00.010-06:00

Saturday night, Alice-Grace was taking a bath. Our cat, Roger, walked into the bathroom, saw that she was in the tub, and THREW UP IN THE WATER! Poor Alice-Grace was scrambling up the walls like a crazed spider monkey. It was so gross.

The other day, Roger was sitting calmly and we one at a time held our hand out to her. She nuzzled up to Frances, ignored Nigel, and tried to shred all the skin off of Alice-Grace's limb.

Once Roger was hiding in a bag and whenever Alice-Grace walked by, she would jump out and attack her legs. If anyone else walked by, the cat would just ignore them.

What is with my cat's obsession with trying to kill my youngest child?

I Didn't Realize Reading was a Full-Contact Sport

2011-04-09T10:41:00.006-06:00

I remember a lovely childhood filled with my mother reading to us. We would laugh and cry through "The Birds' Christmas Carol" every December and attempt to understand the beautiful poetry of "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner." It was great.

Now whenever I try to read to my children, it always breaks into a huge melee with much yelling, screaming, and eventually bleeding as they all fight over who gets to sit where and who's touching whom and who's taking too long to look at the pictures.

Any suggestions?

Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better

2011-03-31T08:25:00.005-06:00

While spring cleaning, Nigel found an old paycheck from 1995 that he never cashed from when he used to teach school.

Not to be outdone, I found an old birthday check from my grandma and grandpa dated 1980.

Ha, take that!

Reading Update

2011-03-31T08:09:00.006-06:00

So I finished "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother."

Loved it. It was a fun and easy read. You just need to remember that this is a memoir, NOT a how-to book. What would be even more interesting is a book written by her husband that shows his side of the story. I don't think that the kids could write an honest one until many years go by.

I also finished "Mockingbird."

I had a hard time getting into it, but then I really liked it. It was fascinating to see how the girl's mind worked. The Asperger story went well with the school shooting story, but did the mother have to be dead from cancer, too? I thought that was a little much.

I finished reading "Eat More, Weigh Less," too.

An interesting health and diet book, especially since it was written during the whole "no-fat" 1990s and there's chapters on how olive oil, avocados, nuts and salmon are all bad for you. We mostly got it for the vegetarian recipes in the back. So far I've made a sweet potato and tofu stew (delicious -- and I even got to use parsnips and turnips!) and mung bean dumplings (a lot of work for something that is not very yummy -- but I got to use lemongrass and Nigel rigged up a steamer for me). Tonight I'm making roasted eggplant sandwiches.

I'm now reading "The Book Thief."

After much support from people who have loved this book, I've decided to give it another go. I'm starting to get into the story and I'm anxious to use my new vocabulary of German swear words.

Trilogy is Not For Me

2011-03-25T07:48:00.003-06:00

Twenty years ago, I loved book series. I read every "Fletch" book, everything written by Dick Francis, Clive Cussler, Patricia Cornwell, all five books in the "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" trilogy, etc. I would find an author I liked and read everything by them, and then go on to the next set.

I still love reading, but I just can't get into series anymore. I have the attention span of a gnat. I get bored reading about the same characters. To be completely honest, I find myself forgetting who the characters are and it's frustrating that I have to keep re-reading the books to remember who everyone is.

I can't even tell you which "Harry Potter" books I've read. They all blend together and as soon as I've finished one, I don't even know what the plot was (then again, I also fall asleep during the movies).

I read "Twilight," but had no interest in reading the other novels. I read "The Hunger Games" and "Catching Fire," but couldn't get past chapter two of "Mockingjay." I read "Uglies" and "Pretties," but couldn't make it through "Specials" (or is it "Extras"?).

I'm noticing a trend. Maybe it's not that I can't stand to read series, but it's that I can't bear to read YOUNG ADULT novel series.

So what am I reading now? Right now on my nightstand are:

"The Book Thief" by Markus Zusak. It seems that everyone is reading this book. I'm only on chapter two, but I have no idea what's going on (this does not bode well for me). I think I may have a hard time getting into this one.

"Mockingbird" by Kathryn Erskine. I'm kind of liking it so far. The main character is a girl with Asperger's, but it seems to be muddled with taking on a school shooting, too. Maybe the author bit off more than she could chew in one small book.

"Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" by Amy Chua. So far I am loving this book. I can't put it down. It's about an American woman raising her children in the traditional Chinese way. My only question is, how does this work in China? How can EVERY kid be first in their class? How can EVERY kid be two years ahead of their peers in math? Since they can only play the piano or the violin, are Chinese orchestras seriously lacking? Is Yo-Yo Ma a huge failure because he plays the cello?

This is the book I SHOULD be reading, but of course it's the one at the bottom of my pile. March was going to be my "get healthy" month, but so far I'm failing miserably.

What are you reading?

My Cat is Litter-Box Challenged

2011-02-11T14:36:00.002-07:00

We have a new word in my family's vocabulary: Poo-Paw.

As in, "the cat is locked in the bathroom again because it has Poo-Paw."

I don't know what to do about our new cat, Roger. She can't figure out the litter box to save her life. This is her usual routine:

1. Go in litter box
2. Dig hole
3. Stand in hole she just dug and then poop somewhere else (NOT in the hole)
4. Stand on poo she just squeezed out while looking confused
5. Get poo stuck to her paw
6. Cover a completely non-poo area with litter
7. Dunk her "poo-paw" in your bowl of cereal while you're eating it

If we're really lucky, she gets diarrhea (from drinking all the milk she contaminated with her poo-paw) and then flings that all over our bathroom wall. After all, why should she bury her poo with litter when she can bury the litter with her poo? Seriously, we had cat poo a good three feet up our wall.

The other day, she kicked a lot of litter OUT of her litter box and onto the bathroom floor. Then she preceded to pee in the pile of litter on the floor (to be completely honest, she missed most of the litter and peed on the bath mat).

Anybody want a cat?

Universe Update

2011-02-11T14:29:00.002-07:00

My eagle-eye daughter, Alice-Grace, found my scriptures thrown in a bush. Obviously, some thieves thought my leather Bible bag was a really ugly purse or an extremely squatty laptop that I had left in my car.

So sorry to disappoint them.

Now I have to dry them out as they've been sitting in a snowbank for a few weeks. Nigel says that with their water-logged puffiness, I'll look like a total scriptorian (they look VERY well read).

Really, it would've been just as easy to throw them back in my car as to throw them in a bush. Are there no considerate thieves left in the world?

What is the Universe Trying to Tell Me?

2011-01-14T06:32:00.002-07:00

My new year's resolution for 2011 is to be more mindful and contemplative. I have used this to my advantage when things go wrong and it's interesting what the universe has to say to you when you actually stop to listen.

The other day after work I went out to my car and my tire was completely flat! What? As I was checking the tire for damage, that's when I noticed how bald it was. I had recently replaced the other three tires, but obviously not this one. I limped it home (I know, that's bad for the wheel but you can do a lot when you're in denial) and Nigel pumped it full of air so I could take it to the tire place. That's when I realized it was a holiday weekend and no one would be open for three days! Miraculously, the tire stayed full of air the entire weekend until I could get it replaced on Monday. If it hadn't have gotten flat, I wouldn't have noticed how bald it was and with the wild winter weather this year, that could've been very dangerous.

Another example:

I always keep a set of scriptures in my car so I can read them while I'm waiting to pick up my kids from school. I went to grab them for church and they weren't there. I searched all over the car and my home, no scriptures. I'm pretty sure that someone stole them out of my car. Why? Why would you steal someone's scriptures? Is there a market for hot Bibles? The only thing I can figure is that they were in a nice leather carrying case, so maybe some demented robber thought they were a really fat Kindle or something. The worst part is that I've had these scriptures since I was 14 years old. All my favorite verses were marked and I had notes written all over them. Then it dawned on me that maybe after nearly 30 years, I needed to mark some new verses and come to some other insights as I read my scriptures. Better yet, maybe I need to read them with fresh, new eyes.

It's amazing what the universe will tell you once you take a moment to stop and listen.

Thank you for being a friend...

2011-01-12T08:35:00.002-07:00

So recently I unfriended a bunch of people on Facebook.

Bad form?

First of all, I'll admit that I'm not that crazy about "social networking" in the first place. I never did MySpace. I don't do Twitter. I joined Facebook late in the game only because I wanted to keep in touch with some far away relatives that use that as their main form of communication.

At first, I was accepting everyone who asked as a "friend." Then I decided to limit it to people who are truly my friends (in my opinion, if I've been to your home or you've been to mine, you're my friend. If I haven't, then you're an acquaintance).

But then I was being overwhelmed with all these status updates and weeding through all this junk in order to find the few posts from the people I really wanted to hear from. I don't care how you're doing in "Mafia Wars" or if you need to feed your pigs in "Farmville" or that you can't decide between sitting next to Timmy or Bobby in 3rd Period French.

I even had my niece give me a tutorial on Facebook, but I still was overwhelmed.

Then it dawned on me, Facebook is kind of icky. Here I was "friends" with all these teenagers and men (married and single) and that's just wrong. Would I actually call this 13-year-old and tell her about my day? Would I honestly invite this man over to chat about what I saw on TV last night? No. That's creepy.

So I sent out a warning message and then unfriended everyone who wasn't a female friend of my age or a family member. Accuse me of bad Facebook etiquette, but I certainly wouldn't do these things in real life.

Better Well Read than Dead

2011-01-03T11:05:00.005-07:00

From a friend's Facebook page:

"The BBC believes most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books listed here."

Personally, I don't believe that they really think that we've only read six of the 100 books listed, and why are there so many American titles if it's from the BBC? But it's still a fun list. So here goes:

• Bold those books you've read in their entirety.
• Italicize the ones you started but didn't finish or read only an excerpt.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot -
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma -Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - A.A. Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Inferno - Dante
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - E.B. White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T00:01:00.000-07:00

I'll admit it. I love New Year's. It's my favorite holiday. I don't even do anything for the holiday, I just love having that clean slate (As Anne Shirley would say, "Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it").

So my resolution for 2011 is to be more "in the moment."

I'm trying to avoid multitasking (I deplore multitasking) and to really think about what I'm doing, be more cognizant of my actions, ask myself what are my motivations for doing something before I do it.

This is actually something that I started about six months ago, but I'm still a work in progress.

It started with going to Frances' play. I just decided that I didn't want to worry about taking pictures or filming it. I'm so distracted by the tools in my hands that I end up not even enjoying the play. And let's be honest, it's not like I'm going to watch the video of it later -- but just in case I did want to, I made Nigel film it (and no, I haven't watched the video).

Then when my kids were taking various classes (Alice Grace in gymnastics and Jeffrey in parkour), I decided to purposely not take anything with me. Instead of reading or knitting, I watched them participate. They loved that I was there cheering them on and seeing every move they made.

Now before I buy something or eat something, I ask myself, "Do I really need this? Am I just bored? Is it worth it?"

So if you see me doing something and I don't stop right away to say hi, I'm not being rude, I'm just waiting until I finish so I can give you my full, undivided attention. So that's my goal for 2011.

Extremely Short Stories

2010-12-23T08:24:00.005-07:00

I came across "extremely short stories" recently and I must admit that I love them (they work well with my short attention span).

According to wired.com, Hemingway once wrote a story in just six words ("For sale: baby shoes, never worn.") and is said to have called it his best work. So they decided to have some horror and science-fiction authors give it a try. Here's what they came up with:

The baby’s blood type? Human, mostly.
- Orson Scott Card

We went solar; sun went nova.
- Ken MacLeod

whorl. Help! I'm caught in a time
- Darren Aronofsky and Ari Handel

He read his obituary with confusion.
- Steven Meretzky

On NPR, Robert Swartwood calls it "Hint Fiction." These have titles and are a little longer (like Twitter messages). Here's some of what he's collected:

"The Return"
They buried him deep. Again.
- Joe R. Lansdale

"Golden Years"
She: Macular. He: Parkinson's. She pushing, he directing, they get down the ramp, across the grass, through the gate. The wheels roll riverwards.
- Edith Pearlman

"Houston, We Have a Problem"
I'm sorry, but there's not enough air in here for everyone. I'll tell them you were a hero.
- J. Matthew Zoss

"Polygamy"
I miss her more than the others.
- David Joseph

Ooh, that last one I should send to TLC's "Sister Wives."

How about you? Care to leave me an extremely short story in the comments?

Dysfunctional Family Bingo!

2010-12-19T16:03:00.003-07:00

Oh, if only I had found this earlier! What could be more fun at your next family gathering than a rousing game of Dysfunctional Family Bingo?

You can order it here.

Sibling rivalry, hormonal imbalance, door slamming, questionable parenting, I just need "unsolicited advice" to win. Oh, there it is, BINGO!

Of course, I would have to get my family to actually agree to be in the same room together to play. Drat.

No, those aren't lumps of coal from Santa under the tree!

2010-12-18T12:32:00.005-07:00

I got my Christmas gift early this year -- a little kitten.

I'm training her to sit by me while I'm reading. She's doing pretty good so far.

When she's not sitting by me, she's shredding up our arms and legs and pooping under the Christmas tree.

We've named her Roger (you'll have to watch "Open Season 2" and then you'll know her personality).

There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays

2010-12-18T12:16:00.003-07:00

This year, we're keeping it close to home for the holidays. I'm ignoring all my far away friends and family (sorry if that's you) and only focusing on those people that influence my family's life on a day-to-day basis.

I just bought some treats (believe me, no one wants me BAKING anything for them) and included a small note detailing how much I appreciate them. As I started making a list, I realized how many people I rely on and take for granted.

Such as:

My mail lady who always comments on how cute and clever my homemade postcards are (the people I mail them to never say a word -- maybe she's keeping them?).

My neighbor who had her children make get well cards for my sick kids and even brought them breakfast in bed (homemade waffles!).

My milk man who comes every Monday (even if it's a holiday) and never gets my order wrong.

The couple down the street who opened up their business for Nigel's cub scouts to tour and they had a GREAT time.

The kids who play with my kids every day (even though my kids have a hard time sharing).

My list soon grew to more than 50 people. What a blessing it is to be surrounded by so many terrific people who serve me and my family throughout the year. Thank you!

Snow Lanterns

2010-12-18T12:14:00.005-07:00

We've been making snow lanterns at our place. We read about them in a Tasha Tudor book and had to try it for ourselves. The hard part is waiting for there to be enough snow and then waiting for it to get dark to put the candles in them! You just build little igloos out of snowballs, leaving an opening, and then put a small candle inside. Love it!

Nigella* has nothing on Nigel

2010-08-07T04:57:00.000-06:00

If you read my blog, you know that I'm constantly struggling with staying within my food budget. Well, I've given up. I've turned over all cooking and shopping duties to my husband, Nigel.

Why I didn't do this years ago, I don't know.

He is an awesome cook and can make a dollar stretch like nobody's business. It's also nice to just turn to him and say, "Hey, what's for dinner?" And unlike me (where the answer is usually, "Whatever you can find under the couch cushions" or "Shake the toaster, that's dinner"), he actually makes something!

Also, my cooking experiences often turn out like this recent episode:

I was making rice krispy treats (simple, right?) and I was melting the marshmallows and butter over the stove. I was stirring and stirring and there was still this lump of marshmallow that would just not melt! What was the deal? It's never taken this long. I pulled out the spatula I was using to stir in order to turn up the heat and that's when I noticed that the rubber/plastic/silicone part of the spatula was missing! That wasn't a clump of marshmallow -- it was melted spatula!

I had always had those heat resistant spatulas -- but I guess this one wasn't! Gross! I had to dump it in the trash, clean the pot and start all over again.

Is it any wonder I've given up on cooking?

*Referring to Nigella Lawson, the "Barefoot Contessa." I like watching her cooking show just because her voice is so soothing (it's more relaxing than yoga!).

Yummy Bread Pudding

2010-08-06T10:49:00.003-06:00

Last night at book club one of the ladies brought the yummiest dessert. It's a bread pudding made with croissants -- genius!!! Here's the recipe:

BREAD PUDDING

In a 9x13 pan layer 8 buttered croissants sliced open face up. Sprinkle white chocolate chips and layer again.

In a bowl mix:
8 Large eggs
1 Cup Sugar
3 Cups Heavy Cream
2 tsp. Vanilla bean paste
1/2 tsp. Nutmeg
1 Tablespoon Cinnamon

Pour over bread and smash down using a spoon making sure all gets soaked. Let Stand for 30 Minutes.

Bake at 350 for 1hr 30 min in a larger pan water bath (half full) -- covered with foil. Take foil off the last 7 or 8 minutes.

Sauce:
1 Cube Real butter
1 Cup Sugar
1/2 Cup Heavy Cream
1 tsp. Vanilla Bean Paste

Dissolve and Melt in Microwave. Do not boil.

Add any desired fruit last.

We did not have it with any fruit, but it was so, so, so, so good. She said that you can get vanilla bean paste at those fancy gourmet kitchen stores.

By the way, this month we're reading "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett. I am loving it and it's one of those books that you can't put down. I can't wait to find out what was in that pie (Don't tell me!).

Happy Anniversary!

2010-07-11T08:30:00.001-06:00

Today is the 50th anniversary of the publishing of the book "To Kill a Mockingbird."

I first read this book in high school and absolutely fell in love with it. In fact, I started a "Boo Radley Fan Club" (our logo was a bloody pair of scissors) and even dressed up as Mayella Ewell for my 10th grade yearbook photo.

This was way before the band "The Boo Radleys" was around -- I must admit that once they came on the scene, it took the wind out of my sails (people would think I was a fan of the group, not the book).

Recently, I read the book again for my book club. It was just as great as I remembered it. For our book club discussion, we watched the movie. The movie is almost as good as the book. Who cannot love Gregory Peck as Atticus?

Anyway, happy anniversary!

Freecycle Follies

2010-07-09T08:41:00.002-06:00

If you don't know what Freecycle is, it's a Web group where people in a certain area post items that they want to give away or items that they would like to get (and everything must be free). Most people just check the posts on the Freecycle Web page, but I somehow signed up to get all the postings e-mailed to me. This is becoming a pain because every day I get about 200 e-mails from people who are either trying to get rid of stuff, want stuff, received stuff, or are waiting for people to pick stuff up. The bad thing is, the Web site no longer recognizes me as a "freecycler," so I can't change my settings!

Anyway, the fun part is that while I'm wasting precious minutes of my day deleting all the e-mails, I come across some very amusing ones. Granted, they're not amusing in what they're trying to give away (it's always baby clothes or furniture or non-working computers), but what's amusing is how it shows up on the truncated subject line of my e-mail list.

Here are a few of my favorites:

Wanted: Electric Hair

Offer: Bag of various boys

Taken: Slightly used woman

Too much of a veg for veggies

2010-06-28T11:23:00.003-06:00

So I got my second basket of produce on Saturday afternoon and I made the mistake of not putting it away in the fridge fast enough (give me a break, my bananas from last week's basket just barely got ripe!). Anyway, I went to put them in the fridge Sunday morning and the strawberries and Swiss chard were already moldy! Snapdragon!

I'm not good with produce. I end up throwing most of it away because I don't eat it fast enough or it never gets ripe or I picked a bad one to begin with.

I give up.

Vegging Out

2010-06-20T16:28:00.004-06:00

On a friend's recommendation, I tried out this produce co-op . It costs $16.50 a basket (plus a one-time $3.00 sign-up charge) and this is what I got:

1 bag cherries
10 bananas
1 bag grapes
1 cantaloupe
11 peaches
17 small plums
4 tomatoes
3 avocados
2 stalks broccoli
1 bag baby carrots
1 large head romaine lettuce
1 small bag green beans

I can't get my kids to stop eating the grapes and cherries (I'm finding cherry pits all over the house). The bananas and avocados still need to ripen, so it'll be a while before we can eat those. The cantaloupe was delicious (we ate it as part of our Father's Day breakfast). The broccoli was great (I used it in our Father's Day chicken divan recipe). The romaine lettuce, baby carrots and tomatoes are good (used in our Father's Day salad). We're looking forward to using the green beans (along with potatoes and onions) in a German recipe that Nigel is famous for.

So here's my predicament: the peaches and plums aren't even close to being ripe (and they don't ripen if you just let them sit out -- they'll get softer, but not sweeter). So I'm going to have to cook them to use them up. I know that I can make a good peach cobbler, but what should I do with the plums? Any ideas?

"Running" a 5K

2010-06-14T20:48:00.003-06:00

A few days ago I "ran" a 5K.

You'll notice that the word "ran" is in quotes because let's be honest, there's very little running going on when I'm doing it. It's more like a slow, agonizing jog or a very fast walk.

And this was a very BIG race with actual numbers on our chests and timers on our shoes. Very high tech. The best part is that I finished in about 6 1/2 minutes UNDER my goal time and I saw lots of my friends in the race (mostly I saw them as they were all PASSING me by).

Nigel and the kids were there to cheer me on and it was a lot of fun. We've decided that next time we'll ALL run/jog/walk together as a family.

The last time I did one was in 1985. I thought this would hold me for another 25 years, but it was so much fun, I can't wait to do another.

You can take the girl out of food storage, but you can't take food storage out of the girl

2010-06-07T06:25:00.002-06:00

So it's finally June and I can go back to the grocery store!

A few days ago I had my first shopping outing and I was envisioning a shopping cart overflowing with delicious easy-to-prepare items.

Not quite.

After hitting the much-missed produce section, my mind was a complete blank on what to buy! I realized that most of what I buy I don't really need and left the store with only two bags.

Even yesterday, I made sloppy Joes with freeze-dried chicken chunks, canned sauce, freeze-dried mozzarella cheese and some hamburger buns that were left over from a neighborhood barbecue.

Oh well.

Final Analysis Revisited

2010-06-02T09:16:00.002-06:00

I can't believe I forgot the two most important things I learned in my "living off my food storage for the month of May" experiment:

-- Even though making a bed out of #10 cans seems like a good way of storing your supplies in a small space, GETTING at them is a whole other story. After a few days of getting all the stuffed animals off the bed, moving the mattress (is there anything harder to maneuver than a mattress?), tackling the bed board, then trying to remember where that specific can is (even though I had made a map beforehand, it was still horrible), I decided it was easier just to go hungry.

-- Make sure to include some snacks in your food storage plan (cookies, crackers, fruit snacks, etc.). Making dinner takes a LOT longer when everything's from scratch (including grinding your own flour) and your kids will eventually sneak into your pantry and eat your entire supply of chocolate chips if you don't have some quick snacks on hand.

Thrifty Month of May Final Analysis

2010-05-31T09:46:00.004-06:00

My month of "No Grocery Shopping in May" is just about over and I did learn some things about my emergency food storage preparedness:

-- It takes a lot more time and energy to make everything from scratch, time that I hopefully will have if there is an emergency (like losing my job), but not so much when I'm working full-time and trying to go to all of the "end of school" activities. Let's just say that towards the end of the month, we just went without bread because I was too tired to make it.

-- I did cheat and went to the grocery store twice, but that's only because my kids had promised certain foods for their classroom's pot lucks and we didn't have those in our food storage.

-- We learned to survive without Kool-Aid, Parmesan cheese and Ramen; and we also learned to eventually like the Apple drink.

-- Don't stock up on the kids' favorite cereals because as soon as you do, they will decide that they now HATE that particular cereal and you'll end up eating all of it (curse you, Cinnamon Toast Crunch!)

-- Luckily my radishes were ready to harvest half-way through the month and I would look forward to picking some each day just so I could taste the crunch of a fresh vegetable.

-- We went through a lot more butter than expected; and we went through a lot less eggs than I expected (we started off the month with two dozen and ended the month with one dozen left).

-- My credit card bill was cut in half just by not hitting the grocery store each week.

-- We really didn't eat that much differently than we usually eat. Makes me wonder what the heck I'm wasting my money on at the store.

-- Stick with the basics. We got sick of fancy canned soups real quick, but we could eat beans and rice every night.

And the most important thing I learned from this whole experiment:

-- Nigel is the "MacGyver" of food storage cooking! He can take a rubber band, some toothpaste, and a roll of duct tape and make lasagna out of it! He's amazing! He's going to be the most important part of my emergency plan.

It's a Ramen Emergency!

2010-05-19T12:02:00.002-06:00

I am out of Ramen.

How can that be? I didn't have a load of Ramen in my food storage? What was I thinking?

I don't particularly like Ramen noodles, but my kids live off of it (they like to eat it raw -- they put it in Ziploc bags and call it "Monkey Chow").

I'll have to add Ramen to my list.

Food Storage Update #2

2010-05-16T05:00:00.001-06:00

Now we're about half-way through our month of no grocery shopping and only living off of our food storage.

Here's what I've realized so far:

-- I should've done this experiment in June or July so that I could at least get some fresh vegetables from my garden.

-- I'm going to need to freeze a lot more butter (when you're mostly eating home baked bread, you go through a lot more butter than I thought).

-- If at all possible, try to keep some cash as part of your food storage so that when your family revolts (and they will), you can make a quick trip to McDonald's and grab some Dollar Menu burgers.

Adventures with "Milly"

2010-05-15T11:43:00.003-06:00

A few days ago I met "Milly."

Milly is our friendly, neighborhood wheat mill. About a year ago, all the ladies in my neighborhood pooled our money together and bought an industrial-grade wheat grinder. I don't know how they decided which woman had to keep this machine in her garage, but I'm pretty sure it had to do with poor rock-paper-scissors skills.

Anyway, I went over to her house and she showed me how to work the grinder. I brought about 10 pounds of wheat with me and it was turned into flour in no time (usually I make my children grind it at home by hand).

I was so excited to use my new flour, I immediately went home and made some whole wheat bread. In the past I've had bad luck with making wheat bread. Instead of loaves, I make door stops. To make sure that I had light and fluffy bread, I added some dough enhancer and gluten powders to the dough.

Then I made the mistake of accidentally doubling the yeast.

I set the dough out to rise and it was getting huge! Then I put it in the oven and my kids were giving news reports every two minutes of how close the bread was getting to touching the top of the oven.

I had visions of that "I Love Lucy" episode where she bakes:

When I pulled the bread out of the oven, my blimp-sized loaves quickly deflated into small, thin bricks (much like those cartoon souffles or my hopes and dreams of being a good cook).

Luckily I now have plenty of flour to try again.

Freeze-Dried Cheese

2010-05-12T10:13:00.002-06:00

I opened up my #10 can of freeze-dried mozzarella cheese. I was very curious as to how this was going to turn out.

It looks like regular grated cheese, just hard. I soaked it in warm water for five minutes and most of the cheese got hydrated well. The only bad part is that it now looks like a clump of cheesy rubber.

I added it to my meatball sandwiches and I put it on pizza and I must admit that it melted nicely and tasted just like regular mozzarella cheese.

I think this one's a keeper.

(Please note that someone in my family must also like it because I keep finding it in the cupboard with the lid off -- they're just eating it straight out of the can)

Food Storage Update

2010-05-10T08:45:00.003-06:00

Well, I haven't done any grocery shopping since April 28th, just living off of my food storage, and this is what I've learned so far:

A loaf of bread from the store will be eaten up in seven days.
A loaf of home-baked bread will be eaten up in seven minutes.

I have no parmesan cheese. How can I not have parmesan cheese? The easiest cheese to store and I have none? Major flaw in my food storage plan.

Looking at my car's empty gas tank and my purse full of uncashed checks, I realize that I connect all of my other errands to grocery shopping. Hard to get out of that habit.

When I tell people about my little experiment, they always come back with, "Oh my goodness, what are you eating?" Like I'm forcing my family to eat soup made out of boiled shoes or something. So here's what we've been eating at our house so far in May:

Breakfast
Oatmeal;
Cold cereal and milk (I've got a lot of cereal and I'm still having the milkman deliver fresh milk -- it has to be a major catastrophe for me to drink powdered milk);
Pancakes and sausage (though I'm down to my last package of frozen sausage).

Lunch
My kids still have money in their school accounts, so they've been eating lunch at school and Nigel and I just eat leftovers or bread and butter (my freezer is full of butter).

Dinner
Spaghetti & meatballs;
Meatball sandwiches;
Shepherd's pie (using the freeze-dried meatballs);
Chicken & dumplings (using canned chicken);
Green chili casserole (kind of a Mexican lasagne using tortillas);
Pad Thai (if you're a Thai food lover like me, your pantry is full of curry powder, jars of peanut butter, hot sauce, noodles, and cans of coconut milk).

Dessert
Cookies (finally used up all that frozen cookie dough I had);
Peach cobbler (made with just a can of peaches, a white cake mix, and topping it with a powdered "whipped cream" mix).

Drinks
Milk;
Carnation Instant Breakfast mixed in milk;
Powdered juice.

So as you can tell, we've been eating quite well (probably better than when we DON'T live off of our food supply).

On Top of Spaghetti...

2010-05-06T08:43:00.003-06:00

I also decided to try out my #10 can of freeze-dried Italian seasoned meatballs.

That's right, freeze-dried meatballs. Who knew?

I rehydrated them as directed and put them in a tomato sauce to serve on top of spaghetti. They still tasted a little tough, though.

The next night, I made meatball subs (with my bread recipe for the rolls, some Manwich sauce, canned mushrooms and freeze-dried mozzarella cheese). Again, they seemed a little tough.

Nigel and I thought they were OK. My children did NOT like them and said that they didn't taste like meat.

Again, something I won't be buying in the future (after all, how many recipes do you know that use "meatballs"?).

Please note -- I had a meatball sub the next day for lunch and it tasted MUCH better. Maybe they just needed more time to rehydrate.

An Apple a Day...

2010-05-06T07:34:00.004-06:00

In our quest to not buy any groceries this month, I decided to get into our long-term food storage (otherwise known as Alice-Grace's "bed") and open up a #10 can of powdered apple juice and try it out.

First of all, the color is...shall we say...disturbing. The juice was a sickly, brown, sewer-y looking color. Yuck.

But it's the taste that matters, right? Well, it tastes EXACTLY like green apple flavored Jolly Rancher candies. Not exactly something I want to drink.

But what do I know? Did you know that Jolly Rancher also makes a soda pop? I've never seen it (and after tasting this "apple juice," now I know why).
I must admit that Alice-Grace and Jeffrey absolutely LOVED it. Of course, they're also known for eating powdered sugar out of the bag with a spoon.

Nigel, Frances and I definitely did NOT like it. I won't be buying any more #10 cans of this in the future. I'll stick to things I know that I like (like packets of cherry Kool-Aid -- I love me some cherry Kool-Aid).

I "Knead" Some Bread

2010-05-03T08:45:00.004-06:00

As of this morning, we have one slice of bread left.

I guess it's time to get out the flour and yeast and start making some. Luckily I have this bread recipe where I can make homemade bread from start to finish in only one hour. I went to a class given by the lovely ladies of Pantry Secrets and I was so inspired that I bought enough of the ingredients to make four loaves of bread a week for an entire year.

Then I realized that I would have to WASH the bowl, dough hook and loaf pans, so the ingredients have just been sitting there in my pantry.

That's probably what prompted my "no flour" diet.

Oh well, time to get kneading.

"It's May, It's May, the THRIFTY Month of May!"

2010-05-02T14:32:00.003-06:00

So we've decided that we're not going to do any grocery shopping in the month of May. Here's our reasons:

We've got a ton of food storage that is coming up on its expiration date and we need to eat it up.
We need to save up money for some trips this summer that we weren't expecting to take.
It's a good way to see what we like in our food storage (and more importantly what we DON'T like) for future food storage purchases.

We will still be getting fresh milk delivered to our house each week (it has to be a REAL emergency for me to drink powdered milk), but otherwise we're going to say adios to our friendly, neighborhood supermarket this month.

Running of the Roses

2010-05-01T14:21:00.000-06:00

I have a tradition of watching the Kentucky Derby every year.

Since it's "the most exciting two minutes in sports," it's the only athletic event my attention span will handle (we just avoid "the most boring four hours in sports" that appears before and after the race).

Frances was my watching partner this year (mostly because she wasn't feeling well and couldn't get off the couch). We donned our festive Derby hats (regular hats that we decorated with whatever was in arm's reach of us at the time -- mine was covered with Barbie dolls) and ate some Lifesaver mints that Frances found in her backpack (instead of drinking mint juleps).

Then we had to make our bets. Frances based her bet on the cute outfit the jockey was wearing and I based mine on "whatever horse Calvin Borel is riding."

I won.

Will this spring fever ever end?

2010-04-22T08:47:00.003-06:00

I'm still plagued with spring fever. Here's the list of symptoms:

Plant garden? Check.

Pass General level Ham Radio test? Check.

Train for 5k? Hmm...kind of check. (Let's just say that there will be little running involved)

No flour, no sugar diet? Hmm...let's change the subject.

Make more knitted cats? Ahem...this is getting embarrassing. (I did buy more buttons for eyes and ribbons for collars, does that count?)

Do my spring cleaning? Hmm...hey, wow, look at the time, yeah, gotta go.

I've Come Down with a Bad Case of Spring Fever

2010-04-02T10:49:00.003-06:00

Sorry for the lack of posts, but I've come down with a bad case of spring fever.

I've been busy training for a 5K (yes, I'm so out of shape and pathetic that I have to actually TRAIN for a 5K), trying out a new diet (no sugar, no flour -- so I'm putting in a lot more time cooking), and getting ready to plant my garden (if it would stop raining and snowing already).

In case you're wondering, I do have two more cats done, but I ran out of eyes (buttons) and collars (ribbon). As soon as I get over this spring sickness (or is it cat scratch fever?), I'll get back to the blog.

Love is in the Air

2010-03-17T11:11:00.001-06:00

Did I mention that for Valentine's Day Nigel gave me pepper spray?

And when he gave it to me he said, "I have a feeling you're REALLY going to need this."

Ah, nothing says romance like mace and paranoia.

(Please note: I haven't had to use it -- yet)

Tuesdays with Meow-y #5

2010-03-16T05:00:00.001-06:00

Here is knitted cat #5. This one is based on a cat I had as a little girl. I really like how the two-toned face turned out. This is done with a knit stitch instead of a garter stitch, so it doesn't look as fluffy, but it's the only way I could get the face to work out. Also, I've gone back to the floppy arms. Nigel wanted me to show how the backs of the cats look, so here's some kitty butt for you. I'm not too happy about the white tip on the tail, though, looks too much like a fifth leg.

How Do You Solve a Problem Like Meow-a? #5

2010-03-15T05:00:00.000-06:00

At book club a few months ago, we read a book called "Speak." The woman who chose the book chose it because she works at a place where children are brought to be questioned in cases of suspected sexual abuse. It's a place where they can feel safe.

It's horrible that such places have to exist, but maybe they would like my cats. Something to hang on to while they tell their story.

Also, my cats don't have mouths, and the book "Speak" is about a girl who stops communicating after a traumatic incident.

Why I'm Not a Chef (or even a cook)

2010-03-11T12:16:00.002-07:00

A friend of mine has this awesome blog where he writes about all the cool things he cooks (mostly bakes). I decided to try out one of his easier recipes. It consisted of about three ingredients, but even so, I managed to mess it up.

The first thing I needed to do was buy a boxed angel food cake mix. OK. I looked all over that store, there was no "angel food" cake mix. Is it the same as white cake? Some of the white cake mixes showed cooking times for one of those bundt-like pans, but some didn't. Also, do I HAVE to make it in a bundt-type thing? I don't have a bundt-type pan!

So I gave up and bought an angel food cake from the store's bakery. There, that part's done.

The frosting consists of whipped cream, milk, powdered sugar and instant pudding mix. Easy, right? For me, no.

I was whipping and whipping and whipping and nothing was happening. That's when I looked at the carton and realized that I had bought HALF & HALF, not heavy cream. Snapdragon!

So I'm off to the store AGAIN because I'm determined to make this cake. I even bought some strawberries and blueberries to make it extra special.

I finally got it done and my son would only eat the cake, my daughters would only eat the frosting, NO ONE wanted the fruit.

Is it any wonder I don't cook?

Please note -- the frosting was excellent the next day on French toast.

Tuesdays with Meow-y #4

2010-03-09T05:00:00.001-07:00

Knitted cat #4. This is based on a cat I had right before I got married. It was a white cat with blue eyes, which my mother hated. I guess white cats with blue eyes are deaf, but I never noticed because since when does a cat come when you call it? Again, it has the stiff arms, which I'm not liking too much. My kids call this the "ghost cat," so maybe I won't make any more white cats in the future.

How Do You Solve a Problem Like Meow-a? #4

2010-03-08T13:34:00.000-07:00

I was at the orthodontist working on another knitted cat and the lady in the billing office got very emotional talking about her teenage niece that has cancer and spends a lot of time in the hospital and how the kids in the oncology ward would love to have cats like that -- mostly to know that people are thinking of them and to hold when they're scared.

I never even though about teenagers wanting them.

Tuesdays with Meow-y #3

2010-03-02T05:00:00.000-07:00

Here's knitted cat #3. This is supposed to be based on my neighbor's orange cat, but for the life of me I cannot find orange yarn anywhere (everything is "pumpkin"). So instead, this is a yellow and pink mixed yarn. I tried to save time by knitting it all in one piece (as opposed to knitting the arms separately and then attaching them to the body), but it gives the cat too much of a stiff appearance. I also apparently need help on not tying granny knots on the bows around their necks.

How Do You Solve a Problem Like Meow-a? #3

2010-03-01T05:00:00.001-07:00

I was knitting one of my cats at the dentist's office and I told them my story about the Year of the Tiger and my goal to make 52 cats.

My dentist recommended donating them to a Women & Children Crisis Center. His son is gathering materials for toiletry kits for the center as part of his Eagle Scout project. He said that many of the women and children arrive there with just the clothes on their backs. I bet a child would like something to hold onto and call their own.

Maybe that's what I'll do.

I Quit

2010-02-27T13:11:00.002-07:00

I've had it. I quit. I have this love-hate relationship with this whole coupon system and it's definitely tilting towards the HATE side. Detest, dislike, despise, loathe, have ill will towards.

For the last two weeks, there have been NO good deals. Nada, zilch, nil, el-zippo, the big goose egg.

I am totally stocked with toothpaste (did you realize that toothpaste expires? I'd better start brushing my teeth 16 times a day to get through it all) and if I eat one more thing of yogurt I'm going to PUKE. Heave, hurl, drive the porcelain bus, talk to Ralph on the big white telephone, holler New York.

Here's what really drives me crazy about the system. The lady who was teaching the class went on and on about how great the deals are at this one supermarket and how she loves it because on the receipt it shows her exactly how much she saved.

I went to that same supermarket and I ended up getting the wrong brand of juice, which wasn't on sale and didn't match my coupon. Ugh! I then took that same coupon to my preferred grocery store (where everyone is nice and cheerful, but not the coupon lady's favorite store) and bought the juice with my coupon, even though it wasn't on sale.

Here's the thing. The juice that was on "sale" at the first store was actually MORE expensive than the juice that was NOT on sale at my preferred store!

Store #1
Juice regular price: $3.50
Juice on sale: $3.00
Coupon: $1.00 off
Total price: $2.00 (save $1.50)

Store #2
Juice regular price: $2.50
Coupon: $1.00 off
Total price: $1.50 (save $1.00)

So I SAVED more at store #1, but PAID less at store #2. So what's more important, bragging about how much you've saved, or actually paying less money?

Hey coupon lady, watch me save even more money by stopping my newspaper subscriptions (and not buying any more yogurt).

Tuesdays with Meow-y #2

2010-02-23T05:00:00.001-07:00

Here is knitted cat #2. This is based on a cat that Nigel and I had for 13 years, which left us for another family (the same cat that mauled knitted cat #1).

I really like how the white and black together turned out.

How Do You Solve a Problem Like Meow-a? #2

2010-02-22T05:00:00.002-07:00

So what am I going to do with these cats I'm knitting?

My coworker suggested donating them to the local police station. She said that policemen keep stuffed animals in their squad cars for when they have to take children away from their homes in order to keep them safe. They like to have something for the kids to hug.

Hm, good idea.

I PASSED!

2010-02-18T05:33:00.002-07:00

That's right, call me Technician Class Operator Lois.

I passed my Ham Radio test. Not only did I pass, but I got 100% (thank you very much).

At first I was nervous because there was about 30 people there to take the test and it was obvious that they had all taken classes and they all had the same textbook with them. I felt like I was in that dream where you you have a Spanish test and you didn't even know you were enrolled in a Spanish class. I was thinking, "Gee, I kind of skimmed through 'Ham Radio for Dummies' and I did some stuff on the Internet. I hope that's good enough."

I guess it was.

The test itself only took about 30 minutes (and 20 of those minutes was filling out paperwork), but I was waiting in line for over an hour just to take the test because I had to wait for the people in front of me to finish.

What I didn't realize is that if you pass the Technician test, they let you have a free stab at the General Class test. Let's just say that I bombed that one royally (that's probably where the class and book could've helped).

Anyway, it's official, I'm a geek.

I Like Ham

2010-02-17T05:00:00.001-07:00

I don't mean this kind of ham (though I do like me a good ham -- even at Thanksgiving I prefer ham to turkey).
And I REALLY don't mean Jon Hamm from "Mad Men" fame (I so don't get his appeal).

I mean Ham as in amateur radio. Yes, I'm upping my geek points and trying to get my ham radio license. I'm taking the test for my Tech license today.

Wish me luck!

Tuesdays with Meow-y* #1

2010-02-16T05:00:00.001-07:00

Here is my first cat so far.

The pattern I used is actually for a bear, but I just added a tail and voila, it's a cat!

This one is based on my previous neighbor's cat, "Hat" (named so because they brought it home in a hat). Our cat mauled it once (but it survived), so I feel I need to immortalize it in yarn.

I'm not sure how the button eyes will affect who I can give the cats to (probably NOT children under age 3 for choking reasons).

One down, 51 more to go!

*I know, bad pun based on Mitch Albom's book "Tuesdays with Morrie."

How Do You Solve a Problem Like Meow-a?* #1

2010-02-15T05:00:00.000-07:00

When people see me knitting, they ask me what I'm making. They're always surprised when I answer, "Cats."

Then I have to explain the whole crazy cat lady-Chinese New Year-year of the tiger-making 52 cats-no I don't know what I'm going to do with them-idea.

The good thing is, people tell me some great ideas on what I can do with them.

Suggestion #1 -- Mother Bear Project.
This is a great organization for giving teddy bears to children with HIV/AIDS in emerging nations, but it's bears, not cats, I have to pay for their specific pattern, and then I have to pay them to donate them. Not quite what I'm looking for at this time. Plus, I'd like to do something more local.

Still waiting for my epiphany to happen. In the meantime, I'll keep knitting my cats.

* Bad pun on "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria" from "The Sound of Music."

Happy Chinese New Year!

2010-02-14T05:00:00.000-07:00

I know, I should be wishing everyone a Happy Valentine's Day, but once you've worked five years in the floral industry, you learn to loathe that hideous heart day.

Please join me on a winding journey of how I plan to celebrate Chinese New Year:

I always joke about how I'm going to be one of those crazy cat ladies when I grow up. You know, those wacky old broads with the ten million cats running around their house. Alas, I can't be one now because a cat would eat our pet rabbit (which is fine with me, but my children wouldn't care for that too much).

So instead of real cats, I figured that I would knit stuffed animal cats.

Then I realized that this year is the year of the tiger. Tiger, that's a cat. What if I made a cat for each week of the Chinese year of the tiger?

Now what am I going to do with 52 cats? I must admit that I don't know. I'm hoping that I'll have some kind of an epiphany and that by the end of the year, I'll know what to do with my cats (hoping to donate them to a worthy cause -- in Chinese astrology, "tigers" are known for their courage, so maybe children that are in need of courage and something to hug).

Anyway, I'll keep you posted on how my cats are doing.

Book Club

2010-02-13T10:24:00.002-07:00

It's my turn to pick a book for book club.

Any suggestions?

Please, nothing with swearing in it (we like to save all of our swearing for the actual discussion of the book).

School Daze

2010-02-03T11:15:00.004-07:00

Yesterday I was helping out at my kids' school and after discussing the upcoming Winter Olympics with a group of sixth graders, one especially odd girl came up to me and said:

"I have a new word I like to say. Gigolo! Gigolo, gigolo, gigolo. Doesn't that sound delicious? Gigolo."

I cautioned her that maybe that wasn't an appropriate word to say, especially at school. The girl had no idea why. I tried to explain to her what it meant (which was probably worse than her actually saying it), but she still didn't quite get it. She thought she had made the word up. Her face then brightened to a smile and she said:

"I know! Instead of gigolo, I'll say (insert very non-PC racial epithet here)! That's a good word."

I again told her that it was NOT a good word (and didn't explain why just in case she decided she WOULD like to use that word correctly).

Finally, she decided that "Jell-O" would be her new word of choice.

I agreed. After all, there's always room for Jell-O.

Is That What They're Calling It These Days?

2010-02-01T19:15:00.002-07:00

A few months ago I was early picking my kids up from school and I noticed a man in the parking lot adjacent to my kids' school. He was standing alone, looking at the school playground with a pair of binoculars. Not just looking, but studying.

What the heck is this? Not one to let creepy guys get away with spying on children, I went up to him and asked what he was doing.

He replied, "I'm looking at this tree."

The tree that's 10 feet in front of him -- with binoculars? I pushed him further to explain himself.

He replied, "I'm looking for my iguana."

Oh, is that what they're calling it these days?

He then sheepishly explained that he had lost his pet lizard and someone had reported seeing it in one of the trees by the school. The problem is, the lizard is green and the trees are green, hence the binoculars.

Sure enough, as I looked around, there were "Lost Iguana" posters plastered all over the neighborhood. That's not all, they were also advertising a $100 reward! Soon, I was studying all the trees to find that iguana (she was named "Queenie," by the way).

It wasn't long before other parents were asking me what I was doing.

"Oh, I'm just looking for an iguana."

Coupon Woes -- Revisited

2010-01-28T08:43:00.004-07:00

Have you ever had the experience of just being sick of your hair? It never looks good, it's a source of never-ending frustration and you've just had enough. You make an appointment with the hairdresser to cut it all off.

Of course, the day of your appointment, you hair looks BEAUTIFUL! It's never had such body, such shine, it's gorgeous! What do you do? Cancel the appointment? Still get it cut off?

I'm having the same experience with this whole coupon thing. Yesterday I printed off my shopping list and brought out all my coupon inserts. After one and a half hours (literally), I had all my coupons cut out and sorted. I complained to Nigel the whole time, "This is it. I'm cancelling my newspaper subscriptions. This is too much work."

Then I go to the store and as always it takes FOREVER to shop and the pizza coupons don't match up with the pizza that's on sale and some other coupon-hording women have bought up all the yogurt (like I need more yogurt).

I was dreading going to the check-out stand because my cart was beyond over-flowing. "Oh great, this is going to cost a ton," I thought to myself.

Total = $162.77

But then I had the store sales and special offers (they were doing "buy 10 of these various items, get $5.00 off your bill" -- I had bought 40 of those items).

New Total = $85.04

Then I gave the cashier my HUGE stack of coupons.

Final Total = $59.74

So from $162.77 to $59.74!!! I bought 48 products and paid just a little over $1.00 for each one (which is quite a feat considering that I bought three things of Tide liquid detergent).

Hm, maybe I'll give the coupons another chance.

Coupon Woes

2010-01-25T21:20:00.000-07:00

About three months ago I started this new grocery shopping method.

At first it was really easy. Get newspaper, pull out coupon sections, file them away by date, check the Web site that matches the coupons with store sale items. I was getting great deals with very little time or effort put into it (and the $20 plus that I saved with the coupons each week more than made up for the $15 a month newspaper subscription).

What I didn't realize is that the more coupon inserts I have, the more time it takes to figure everything out.

There's searching through the stack of coupons, flipping through all the pages, then realizing that I ALREADY used that coupon three weeks ago. Snapdragon! (That's my new swear word)

The worst part is when the Web site is wrong (which is often). Either the store doesn't have the exact item that the coupon is good for or they make mistakes on exactly how much money you'll save (like confusing FREE with $1.00 off -- quite a difference when the item costs $7.00).

Very rarely do I find a super great deal. I'm also finding myself buying stuff I normally wouldn't buy if it weren't for the coupons. Plus, it seems like the good deals are on the SAME products every week. How much cereal, yogurt and shampoo can one person use? Come on!

Now I'm at the point where I dread getting my newspapers. I don't even want to get the coupons out of them. I just stare at them in their little red wrappers and hope they'll disappear.

Oh well. Anyone want some yogurt?

Too Immature for Maturation

2010-01-22T06:19:00.006-07:00

The elementary school's "maturation" program was yesterday. The school strongly encouraged parents to attend.

Frances STRONGLY encouraged that I did not.

Why not? Just because I threatened to yell out:

"Excuse me, nurse? When should I expect my daughter's tail to fall off?"

or

"OK, enough talk about periods. It's the proper use of the semicolon that I don't understand!"

The only thing I remember from my elementary school's maturation program was the boy sitting next to me breaking a thermometer in the middle of a movie called something like "Betty Finds a Hair."

I remember the school nurse being concerned about the broken glass. In those days, NO ONE cared about a little mercury poisoning. In fact, the school nurse would put mercurochrome on our cuts and scrapes (because you really want those heavy metals to go DIRECTLY into your blood stream). In fact, they even marketed games to kids with mercury in them. Does anyone remember this one?

If you were really cool, you would break the toy open so you could play with the mercury in your bare hands.

Maybe it's a metaphor for maturation classes in the pre-AIDS days. We didn't know back then what could hurt and potentially kill us.

It's All Greek to Me

2010-01-21T11:38:00.005-07:00

Yesterday Nigel and I went out to lunch at a new Greek restaurant in town. I had heard that it was run by actual Greek people, so I was pretty excited. (The other night we went out to dinner at a Chinese restaurant and there wasn't a SINGLE Chinese person in the place. Not one! No Chinese people eating, working or cooking. With over 1.3 billion Chinese people in the world, I don't even see how that's statistically possible)

Sure enough, the men working there were very Greek, there were Greek flags everywhere (though they neglected to take the Bavarian cuckoo clock from off the wall from the prior restaurant's decor), and the food was delicious.

The best part? This was listed on the menu:

SIDE OF HOMOS & PITA 4.25

I could just see myself saying, "Why yes, I would like a side of homos with my pita." This is probably the first time in my life I wish I had one those camera phones.

You've got to understand, I love things like that. Maybe it's because of the girl in my high school from Taiwan who had her "Charlie Brown & Spoopy" book bag. Or maybe my Japanese roommate in college and her "Happy New York" sweater. Or my neighbor from Brazil and her son's "Winnie The Puff" teddy bear. Or my husband's tres leches birthday cake from the Mexican market down the street that said "Hoppy Birthdoy."

I think it brings me such joy because I am SOOOOO terrible at other languages. I'm in awe of anyone that can come to a different country and learn another language. I have taken years of French, German, Japanese and Chinese and I can't say a word in any of these languages. I come from a long line of people who can't speak another language. Case in point: many years ago my parents went to Germany to visit my brother in the military. They even took German language classes in preparation for their trip. Once there, they were at a shop counting out their money and my father went from counting in German to Spanish to English to APACHE! Yes, Dad, when you can't remember your German, go for Apache! That's the universal language ALL Europeans understand!

I just hope that the Greek restaurant doesn't change their menu. I think it's perfect just the way it is and will certainly bring me back for more (food and smiles).

Yet Another Reason Why I'm Mad My Kid's Speech Therapist Moved Away

2010-01-17T19:34:00.003-07:00

A recent conversation at our house--

Frances: Here's our school's Scholastic book order. There's a book I want about people who have vanished.

Lois: Oh, like Amelia Earhart?

Frances: Yeah, and some author vanished, too.

Alice-Grace: Kids in my class at school have vanished.

Lois: They have?

Alice-Grace: Yeah. Luis, Omar, Maria, Jose...

Lois: Do you mean they're Spanish?

Alice-Grace: Yeah, that's what I said. Vanish.

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T14:42:00.002-07:00

Like most of you, one of my new year's resolutions has been to eat healthier.

Cut out sugar? No way. Say no to fast food? Yeah, like that's going to happen.

I'm not going to cut anything out. Instead, I've decided to ADD good food into my existing diet and make better choices.

For instance:

Salad at McDonald's -- grilled instead of crispy chicken.

Meatloaf -- I added two cups of chopped cabbage to one pound of ground beef (when it cooks down, you can't see it or taste it).

Creamy Chicken & Rice -- plain yogurt instead of sour cream and brown rice instead of white rice.

Snacks at work -- nuts instead of M&Ms.

French toast -- whole grain bread instead of white.

So far, ADDING good food is a lot more fun than TAKING away the bad food. Hopefully, I'll retrain my tastebuds so that I'll crave the good foods. Yeah, I don't think so, either. But I'm still willing to try.

Christmas Quote

2009-12-26T08:20:00.003-07:00

Alice-Grace on Christmas Day:

"Jeffrey! Don't use the bug zapper on Jesus' birthday!"

Ah, the holidays.

My New Happy Place

2009-12-05T10:23:00.006-07:00

I discovered this adorable duo by accident while searching for music to listen to while entering the payroll data at work.

But they're so cute, I can't just listen, I have to watch! (They remind me of a cross between my groovy neighbors and my crazy nephew, Six) I especially like the dancing grandma. She is rocking it!!!

Also, got to love anyone who shares my admiration for Earth, Wind & Fire!!!

2009 Christmas Newsletter

2009-12-02T11:04:00.006-07:00

Christmas 2009 for Lois & Family

Lois spent 2009 NOT cleaning her house, NOT scrapbooking, NOT making her kids dinner, and best of all, in this crazy economy, Lois spent the year NOT unemployed.

Nigel spent the year NOT being a starving artist (he actually sold many paintings), NOT getting away from scouts (he went from Webelos leader to Cub Master), but best of all, Nigel did NOT pop any more holes in his lungs.

Frances finished the year NOT reading classic literature when there's a good ghost story or alien book near by, NOT failing in school and NOT being one of those horrible children you see on an MTV reality show.

Jeffrey spent 2009 NOT cleaning up his Legos, NOT giving up his plans for his own Viking-themed amusement park, and NOT letting up on lecturing his family on NOT spending money.

Alice-Grace pretty much spent this last year doing "skin the cat" on an old broom stick that she places between the arm rests of the couch and love seat. Luckily, she has NOT been taken to the emergency room -- yet.

Stupid Rabbit ("Stew" for short) has NOT figured out that he's only supposed to pooh in his cage, NOT realized that he's a vegetarian, and it has NOT dawned on him that a balloon is NOT a girl rabbit.

Here's to a very merry Christmas and a happy and prosperous New Year from our family to yours.

Rocking Around the Christmas Tree...

2009-11-23T05:50:00.005-07:00

One of our favorite holiday traditions is turning off all the lights (except for the Christmas tree lights), putting on some danceable Christmas music and rock out.

Here's some of our favorites.

We especially enjoy doing the robot to "Silent Night."

Thursday Thopping

2009-11-19T08:41:00.004-07:00

Actually, I did some grocery shopping on Monday, but I couldn't call this "Monday Mopping" because then people might think that I was actually cleaning my house (and we all know that's not going to happen). Here's a good coupon deal that I have to brag about:

Boxed cookie mix on sale for 98 cents a box.
Coupon for $1.00 off one box of boxed cookie mix.

So I was actually PAID* 2 cents to buy the cookie mix!

Super Score!

(They couldn't actually give me money back, so I had to buy something else and then the 2 cents was taken off of that)

Thursday Thopping

2009-11-12T08:41:00.002-07:00

OK, I actually went grocery shopping on Wednesday, so maybe I should rename this "Wednesday Whopping" (especially since I'm trying to find some "whopping" good deals).

Alas, there wasn't that many things I could combine store sales and manufacturer's coupons on this week, but I still did pretty good.

I bought 25 items: 8 boxes of cereal, 2 pounds of cheese, 2 pounds of butter, 16 ounces of sour cream, 1 dozen eggs, 1 bunch of bananas, 7 bags of frozen veggies, 1 green bell pepper and 2 loaves of bread (and a pound of pistachio nuts -- they weren't on sale, they're just delicious).

Total = $60.21
After Store Savings = $39.24
After coupons = $34.14

So from $60.21 to $34.14 (a savings of 44%)

What's amazing is that I've cut my weekly food budget in half, and yet my pantry, fridge and freezer are more full than ever! It's great!

Grocery Shopping Class

2009-11-08T11:30:00.002-07:00

So I went to the grocery shopping class on Thursday night and got some really good information.

For the most part, it's the same program I was doing before (combining store sales and manufacturer's coupons), but with some new insight.

Before, it was taking me hours to cut out all the coupons, study all the supermarket ads, and run from store to store to get the best deals. Needless to say, I got tired of that really quickly.

The way this program is different is that you buy in bulk (their theory is that everything goes on sale four times a year, so stock up four months worth of non-perishable items at a time). The way to do this is to get multiple Sunday newspapers (for multiple coupons).

The nice part is that they've done all the labor for you. Just go to their Web site*, click on the supermarket you want to go to (just visit one) and they have a list of what's on sale that week and which coupons to match up with. They even rate the sales so you know if you're getting a good deal or not. You click on the items you want, it shrinks the list down, you print it out and there's your shopping list. Then cut out your coupons (why do it before hand?) and you're ready to go.

I decided to try it out the next day. I went on their site and what used to take me hours only took 15 minutes! I had coupons from two Sunday papers and set out to the supermarket (just one!).

Total (47 items): $123.25 (gasp!)
After Supermarket Savings: $75.93
After coupons: $51.63 (including tax)

I went from $123.25 to $51.63 (total savings of 59 percent)

(Let's just say that I won't have to buy Kleenex tissues for a VERY long time)

*Please note that this service is only available in Arizona, California, Idaho, Nevada, Utah and Washington right now

Priceless

2009-11-08T11:25:00.003-07:00

Jeffrey and Alice-Grace had play dates, so I wanted to do something special with Frances (but didn't want to spend any money). Here's what we did:

Two craft projects (a cute embossed Christmas card and an adorable snowflake ornament -- free make & take day) and five sheets of card stock (coupon) at a scrapbooking store at the local mall = $0.00

One really large (though they called it a small) ice-cream cone (coupon) at the food court = $0.00

Frances being able to spend time with her parents without any annoying younger siblings = priceless

The Quest Continues...

2009-11-05T10:19:00.002-07:00

I'm still on my never-ending quest to not spend money. I'm usually pretty good at this (mostly because I loathe buying clothes), but my downfall is food (specifically grocery shopping and eating out). I've taken a few measures, but so far I'm getting mixed results. Such as...

I'm now having milk delivered to my house to keep me out of stores (I'm notorious for going in for just a gallon of milk and coming out with 20 pairs of socks, three books, and a porch swing -- hence, why I am no longer allowed in Costco).

I must admit that me and the kids did go to Burger King last night, but that's only because we found three coupons for free fries and three coupons for free burgers while cleaning up the house. Free dinner for the kids -- yay! But then I bought dinner for myself -- boo! (Nigel was gone, so he had to scrounge whatever he could find for dinner at home -- here, lick this postage stamp and see what's between the couch cushions!)

Tonight I'm going to a special class on grocery shopping. I'm curious as to what their system is. I've tried coupons and all of that before, but I ended up buying a bunch of stuff I normally wouldn't have and spending a lot of time running from store to store. Hopefully I'll get some good tips!

What are your favorite ways to save (or not spend) money?

I think it's time for some hearing aids...

2009-10-09T10:48:00.002-06:00

A conversation at our house last night (obviously we all need to get our hearing checked).

MICHAEL SCOTT (From TV's "The Office"): Oh, you must pass the dungeon wisdom test.

JEFFREY: Mushroom seeds? Everyone knows that mushrooms don't have seeds.

FRANCES: What about Muslims?

Shameless Plug

2009-09-24T14:19:00.004-06:00

Be sure to go see this genius little movie with some great music (done by my neighbor) called White On Rice!

Right now it's playing in San Francisco, Los Angeles and Orange County (check local listings).

The film opens in Utah this Friday and will play 5 times a day at the following locations:

Century 16, Salt Lake City
12:10 2:25 4:45 7:15 9:30

Cinemark 16, Provo Towne Centre
11:55am 2:10 4:20 6:45 9:00

Co-stars Hiroshi Watanabe (Letters From Iwo Jima), Justin Kwong , and directer Dave Boyle will be attending Provo screenings at 6:45 and 9:00 on Friday, and 11:55 and 2:10 on Saturday.

They will attend Salt Lake screenings at 7:15 and 9:30 on Saturday night.

Check it out!

Oops, I Did It Again!

2009-09-20T19:14:00.006-06:00

When I was a little girl, I loved writing letters and making my own cards, stationery, postcards, etc. One day I made a postcard with a short note on it for my grandparents. Later that day my mother told me that she had a stamp ready for my postcard. I just looked at her strangely and said, "But I already have a stamp for it." My mother asked me where I got it from. "I drew it on myself, " I answered. She asked where the postcard was and I said that I had already mailed it in the mailbox down the street.

This threw her in a tizzy and she hurried down the street to the mailbox. She noted when the mail pick-up time was and returned to the mailbox and waited and waited and waited for the mailman to pick up the mail, with stamp in hand.

The mailman never came.

She waited the next day, he never came.

Finally she gave up. Oh well, it's just one little postcard lost in the mail.

A few days later my mother was surprised to get a phone call from her mother-in-law saying that they had received the cutest little postcard in the mail from me -- complete with hand-drawn stamp.

Well, last week I was again making my own postcards and mailing them out to friends and family. I made sure to use real stamps this time, but then found out -- too late -- that my postcards were much too large for postcard stamps, they needed full first class stamps.

Oh well, more postcards lost in the mail.

How surprised was I when I got a call from my family thanking me for the cute postcards.

Thank you, United States Postal Service.

First Impressions

2009-09-17T11:40:00.007-06:00

Have you ever seen an actor or actress in a certain type of role and then no matter how hard you try (or how hard THEY try), you can't picture them any other way?

I'm not a fan of mafia/mobster movies (maybe it's because I don't like Italian food), so the first movie I saw Ray Liotta in was "Corrina, Corrina." So when I'm flipping through the TV channels and happen upon "Goodfellas," I can't stop picturing him playing the Jell-O jingle on the piano with Whoopi Goldberg. Not very threatening, I know.
The first time I ever saw Hugh Jackman, he was playing Curly in the musical "Oklahoma." Now I can't watch any of the "X-Men" movies without expecting him to break out singing "Surry with the Fringe on Top" in the middle of a big battle scene.
Don't even get me started on Shirley Jones. After years of watching her as Mrs. Partridge, I still can't bear to see her play a prostitute in "Elmer Gantry," even if she did win an Oscar for the role. I'm sorry, I can't. It's just not right.

Is it just me?

"Be Kind Rewind"

2009-09-16T07:37:00.002-06:00

This little gem of a movie I discovered at our local library. I didn't know what to expect about a movie I'd never heard of starring Jack Black, Danny Glover, Mia Farrow and Mos Def (a rapper), but it is so cute! I don't want to say too much because it's fun to just see where the movie unexpectedly takes you, but I do recommend it.

Disclaimers: Please keep in mind that it is PG-13 (some swearing and inappropriate dialog, so maybe not for the kids -- especially since they will be bored by the subject matter) and the director is French (so don't expect your typical "everything tied up neatly in a bow" American movie ending).

Yard Sale Blues

2009-09-14T13:10:00.009-06:00

Labor Day weekend my family decided to have a yard sale. Though I usually try to save money by NOT spending it, rather than trying to make more of it, I decided to still give it a go.

I started by cleaning out the house (including all the closets) to see what we could sell. Though I kept adding things to my "sell" box, my pile of yard sale goods kept getting smaller and smaller. Then I discovered that my kids were returning everything BACK to the closets as soon as my back was turned.

We finally had a few items that we ALL agreed to sell. Yippee!

Of course, it was raining the morning of our yard sale. I outfitted my children in matching aprons so they could work hard to earn some money! Then I realized that I had forgotten to feed them before heading out (the yard sale was at someone else's house, since we don't have a yard). So a quick trip to McDonald's for breakfast solved that (did you realize that they sell Breakfast Happy Meals? Who knew?).

FIVE HOURS LATER the yard sale was done -- and so were we. We made a whopping $12.00. Minus the $16.00 I spent on the McDonald's breakfast and the 50 cents my kids spent buying other people's stuff at the yard sale, we actually were in the hole $4.50!!! I could've save money by NOT cleaning my house and sleeping in!

I think I'll stick to saving money by NOT spending it. I don't do so well with the earning it part.

Family Reunion Memories

2009-09-07T09:57:00.003-06:00

As I'm reading everyone's blogs, "family reunions" seems to be a big theme for the summer.

One year my family had a camping family reunion. As I was getting out of the communal shower, my sister, Rena, jumped out and took my picture. Luckily, I was able to cover most of my "naughty bits" with a small (very small) towel.

I thought the funny little episode was over. But no. Several weeks later, I get a package in the mail from Rena. She had taken the photo and had a PUZZLE made of it!!!

I must admit that it's my kids' favorite jigsaw. They really love leaving out the pieces with the towel on them so that it looks like I'm naked. This is especially fun for them to display it on the coffee table when they know company (preferably someone from church) is coming over.

I must admit that I don't remember much from that family reunion, but I do remember that! Thanks, Rena, for being such a fun sister.

Guilty Pleasures

2009-08-29T10:35:00.006-06:00

What are your guilty pleasures? Not really things that make you feel guilty, but rather things you enjoy that are slightly embarrassing and you find yourself hiding or making sheepish excuses for if someone walks into the room and catches you. Here are some of mine:

Guilty Listening Pleasure -- Tom Jones.
I admit it. I LOVE Tom Jones. How can you not love a Welshman who meows in his songs? Throw those panties, ladies!

Guilty Cinema Pleasure -- Cheesy Mormon movies.
I have to sneak these into the house to avoid Nigel's inevitable eye-rolling and sighing. "The Singles Ward," "The Home Teachers," "Church Ball," etc. I know they're stupid, but I like watching them.

Guilty Eating Pleasure -- Ding Dongs.
They're especially good frozen. The ritual is actually more important than the eating. First, smooth out the foil into one large square (careful, don't rip it!). Then pick all the chocolate frosting off. Then eat all the chocolate cake (this is actually the worst part). Last of all, savor the Crisco-y goodness of the creamy filling. Mmmm.

Guilty Active Pleasure -- Roller Disco.
Not roller blades, not roller derby, but roller skates with the big orange wheels and neon green laces. You know, the kind that you wear with leg warmers. Crank up that Donna Summer and just boogie, oogie, oogie until you just can't boogie no more!*

Guilty TV Pleasure -- "iCarly."
I must admit that I usually watch this with my kids, but there have been a few times when Nigel has caught me watching this alone. His usual question is, "Why are you watching this? The kids are outside playing." I just mumble something about it being on and I can't find the remote. He then will notice the TV remote in my hand and proceed with more eye-rolling. I'm sorry, but the writing is really clever and I have a tiny bit of a crush on Spencer.**

Guilty Reading Pleasure -- Gossip magazines.
I actually look forward to going to the doctor/dentist so I can sit and read People, Us Weekly, Life & Style, etc. Most of the time I have no idea as to who they're talking about, but it's still fun. I'm always early for appointments just so I can have more time to read.

There. Embarrassing, yes. Fun, oh yes! What are your guilty pleasures?

*Yes, I know "Boogie Oogie Oogie" is by A Taste of Honey, not Donna Summer.
**Spencer is the adult on the show -- I do NOT have a crush on a little kid.

Another Shopping Score!

2009-08-08T08:53:00.005-06:00

I got tired of getting bonked on the head by wayward bags of chocolate chips every time I opened my pantry door, so I decided to buy one of those hang on the door shoe holders to store them all in.*

I headed to Kohl's in their "decorate your dorm room" section. There they had the door shoe holder thingy for $21.99. YIKES!

Luckily, it was half off, so it was only $10.99

Even more lucky, I had a Kohl's gift card (free in the mail) worth $10.00 on any purchase.

So with tax, I ended up only paying $1.06.

From $21.99 to $1.06!!! Whoo-hoo!

*By the way, my pantry looks much more organized now (it works perfectly for storing bags of chocolate chips, envelopes of gravy mix, seasoning envelopes, bags of Lehi Roller Mill mixes, etc.).